Trying to Live While Being Alive

I guess I haven't been writing,  because, well - I feel uninspired and shitty. I graduated from high school and I'm pretty anxious and scared about college, and the new load I'll have to shoulder come August. Which seems awfully close. 


Also, I'm so low right now. Truthfully, I want to be a musician and an artist. It seems so achingly hard. I would rather marvel over someone else's writing than create my own. I'd rather cry with joy to beautiful music than actually settle in for hours at the piano. And all this makes me think of the opportunities I am missing and wasting. 


I'd rather moan about the boy who left than actually revel in the fact that I am surrounded by beautiful souls that I haven't met. Honestly, how marvelous is that? There are people who walk by us each day who are self-contained universes. Who struggle and rejoice as much as we do. Who are we to bemoan one person leaving when we are surrounded by millions of heartbreakingly gorgeous galaxies of wonder that are contained by people we have yet to meet? 


However, remembering all the reasons for being joyous and unruffled are so hard to keep present in my oddity riddled brain. And it remains that I cannot change anything but myself. And if I change myself, I can change so much. I can affect the millions of universes around me, just by smiling. Or laughing. Or letting someone know that it gets better. That they are infinitely loved and truly valued.