Restoration

So. A sister I love is going through a lot.

But you know what?

I'm being a super snitch about it.

You know why?

Because sometimes I don't see why not talking to a boy would affect you so deeply.

I'm really trying to be more understanding and sympathetic though.

It's hard.

But my youth minister called me over yesterday, gave me a hug and said, "Abby, restoration is coming."

And you know what? That really really helped. Because I haven't been the "normal" me for awhile.

I'm not good with telling anyone about it.

I don't have a switch that lets me tell people the hard stuff in my life.

What is shared are things that are trivial. Not deep. Things about boys and stuff that doesn't REALLY matter to me.

The thing that hasn't been shared is the fact that I feel crusty and unmovable to God and people.

Hard and callous. Heartless and crabby.

And I have to get the restoration. I don't know why God chose to use Zach to tell me, but I really needed it.

I sit here crying as I write this. Hoping that the restoration will hit me in the face like a mack truck.

That probably won't happen. And I'm learning to deal with that fact.

I'm trying to read my Bible more. Pray more. Love people more. Sympathize more.

And God knows my heart. So it doesn't matter that I feel hopeless.

It doesn't matter that I feel fat. I can use my self-control to lose the excess weight and strengthen the body God gave me.

And I'm just trying to get through the day while maintaining sanity.

That's all.